


One man show

by Nisushi



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: A bit of a ooc Touka(?), Angst, Fluff, Just to spice it a bit up, M/M, Scars, Smut, Takes place after TGRE chp 122
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2018-11-05 03:34:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11005119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nisushi/pseuds/Nisushi
Summary: He could still recall how he felt when a blond head came through the doorway.





	1. A petty King

**Author's Note:**

> So I read chp 125 three times this week, got inspired, and this sort of happened.  
> Here some angsty smut to keep the hidekane fandom alive. 
> 
> Enjoy.

The blonde lay Kaneki’s head on the tacky pillow he had gotten from Touka when Kaneki asked her for a place to sleep. Well, he practically begged for it when Hide decided to show his face at the café.

Hide’s warm hands, (or were they cold? Kaneki couldn’t really choose), caressed his face and went down his neck, grasping his shoulders with not too much pressure. Only just enough to bring over the message.

(‘’I’m here, I’m alive. Don’t you worry. I won’t leave this time.’’)

 

Kaneki still remembered it. He was talking with Touka at the café.. Or was it somewhere else? Maybe he didn’t remember it as well as he thought he would. But he can still recall how he felt when a blond head came through the doorway.

 

Hide kissed the corner of his mouth, and then moved his lips to connect with his own. It was such a soft feeling, even when their lips moved together and opened up for what the other wanted to give. Kaneki had always thought that he wouldn’t like it. The thought of tongues entwining in a way that was so intimate always scared him away.

(From everyone.)

 

At first he couldn’t believe it. But disbelief made place for utter relief when Hide’s hands touched his, and a smile that said ‘’Long time no see!’’. There was actually no explanation for what Kaneki experienced at that time. His heart felt so sore, as well his throat that was stuck up with emotion. The weight on his shoulders suddenly became ten times less. There was no dead friend weighing him down, not anymore.

 

‘’H-hide..’’ Kaneki tried to speak up, but he lost even that to the man hovering above him, letting him only take small breaths in between the now lustful kisses. Hide had lowered himself on him, chests touching. Kaneki felt so hot and more alive than he had in a long time. Hide’s weight leaning on him made him feel hot, and when the blonde pressed down, the heat in his face quickly shot southwards. A groan slipped, and he pulled on the material of Hide’s shirt on his back.

(Hide was quiet.)

 

He hadn’t said anything before he practically flew into the other’s inviting arms. Both were grasping each other like their lives depended on it. Letting go meant that the other would disappear forever. Questions like ‘’Where were you all that time?’’ and ‘’How did you survive?’’ were for another time. On that moment, Kaneki wanted nothing more than to hold what he wanted for so long.

 

Shirts were taken off and immediately hands touched his bare skin. Kaneki couldn’t help it but stare at the damage he had done.

( _He will never be able to make a sound_.)

 

He had seen it that day. When Kaneki got himself together enough to look up, he noticed for the first time that Hide had grown, because instead of meeting with the other boy’s eyes, Kaneki faced a horrible scar that came from under his shirt and reached his jugular. Rough strange coloured skin that should be smooth and sun kissed made Kaneki tear up. He had done this. He didn’t have the right anymore to touch him.

 

Kaneki’s fingers traced the edges of the scar. He had been so scared to touch Hide like this. But Hide had made him sure after the first time he had flinched away that, it was okay. That he was okay with it and that Kaneki had every right to be with him like this. That he wanted Kaneki to be like this.

It was too much, with Hide rutting down on him and kissing his jaw, ears, and neck. Kaneki pulled Hide down by his shoulders, wanting more friction, because it was not _enough_. He must be making the most ridiculous faces, but he couldn’t care less. All he cared about was what he was granted now.

(In this dusty small room he didn’t even know the existence of before this.)

 

Kaneki had jumped away, he hadn’t wanted to look at what he had done. But Hide came to him, shushing and petting his head.

‘’I’ will be ohkay, Kah-ki.’’

It was worse than he thought.

 

‘’K-kehn.’’ Hide tried his best. Hide always did try his best for everyone’s sake. Kaneki didn’t remember, didn’t want to remember much about what had happened almost five years ago. He had taken away Hide’s voice, which had also been his own for a long time. It was so sad to think that he would never be able to hear his boisterous laugh again, only wheezing at the most.

‘’Shh, Hide, it’s okay. It will be okay.’’ Kaneki echoed Hide’s first words. It had done wonders to him, and now he wanted Hide to throw his efforts away for a moment with the same words.

Not able to wait any longer, Kaneki took Hide’s hands and brought them to the hem of his pants. Hide still looked at him with concern in his eyes. They asked him ‘’Are you sure?’’. Kaneki nodded and closed his eyes, feeling Hide’s hands continuing the job until he had to lift his hips to get his pants off completely.

Hide gave an interesting look when his eyes had scanned his body. It made Kaneki chuckle. Then Hide moved to his chest, kissing and sucking on his nipples, which made Kaneki moan. It was embarrassing, and he had to put his arm over his mouth to stop the other sounds to come. It just felt so _good_ , all the love Hide gave to him.

The licks and bites went downwards, reaching under his hipbone. Hide then stopped, looking at Kaneki.

(‘’Please let out your voice. Even if only for now.’’)

 

Kaneki had stopped Hide from talking anymore. He had sounded like he was in pain, and now he still did. Kaneki didn’t want Hide to feel any pain. Therefore he had to keep Hide near him. He would find a place in Goat, he surely would. Hide had never have to be far away anymore, so this was a perfect option. Or would have been.

He almost didn’t notice that Touka was looking. _Almost_ didn’t see what the look was that she was giving them. _Him_.

Hide.

 

After Hide had shrugged off the rest of his own clothing, he settled his thumps just under the hem of Kaneki’s underwear. Hide asked him once more.

(‘’Are you sure? After this I’m not going to stop.’’)

 

‘’Are you a virgin?’’

Kaneki could never have said that he had expected that, and his reaction made that clear. Hot liquid touched his shoes and the floor he was standing on. He had gotten startled by the question, not knowing how to answer.

He couldn’t have possibly answered it, so he didn’t. But then she came with a suggestion that shouldn’t have ever left her mouth.

‘’ _When the time comes, I’ll let you do it with me_.’’

 

No clothing that was keeping the intense feeling of their heated skin for their imagination. Hide took both of them in one hand, pumping down without a real rhythm. They shouldn’t rush this over, but they did. And Kaneki didn’t have any problems with it. The only thing was that if this went on, everything would be over too soon.

He petted Hide on his shoulder, so that he would look up from Kaneki’s neck he had been colouring with dark reds. Hide’s eyes were on him, and he stopped with his movements, giving Kaneki some space to calm down.

‘’H-hide, please make love with me instead.’’

Hide’s mouth was on his again. Bruising kisses were given to each other, accepting everything the other wanted to give.

Then, suddenly Hide’s fingers were there instead of his lips, asking for entrance. Kaneki got where this was going to, and he couldn’t help it but feel nervous. Nervous that this wasn’t going to work. Nervous that this would tear them away from each other again on one way or another.

Only one hand palming his face got Kaneki to lose all of his self-control. To hell with all the thoughts that had haunted his mind since Hide had come back. Now was a moment that asked for silence in his head.

He let in three fingers, lazily sucking on them and coating them with his saliva. When Hide thought it was enough, he pulled out his fingers and propped himself on one elbow. Hide didn’t want to look away, and with a bit of blindly searching, he found Kaneki’s entrance. Without teasing or filling the time, he began to open Kaneki up.

It felt weird, but it didn’t hurt. Hide would never hurt him. Soon, it even began to feel good. Kaneki’s moans came out in one flood, all drunk up by Hide.

‘’Please, h-hurry Hide..’’

Hide looked at him and chuckled, or what should have been that. But for now he just had to take a deep breath and shove the guilt away, for Hide.

Kaneki was soon in the room again and gasped when he felt Hide slowly shoving himself into him. It was so much different than what had been there before this. Kaneki held Hide’s shoulders with crossed arms on his back, trying to put all his energy into his grip. Now, it was too much. He couldn’t relax. Hide noticed it when he only gave erratic breaths, and so he stopped.

‘’Do-hn’ ch’y, ‘Nehki.’’

Kaneki opened his eyes and only got what Hide was talking about when he felt that his cheeks were wet. Hide smiled and took Kaneki’s hand in his, kissing his knuckles and laying it down again, entwining their fingers.

He wiped Kaneki’s tears away with his other hand. ‘’Do you wan’ do s-hop?’’. Kaneki breathed out and shook his head heavily. ‘’Hide, please continue. I don’t want anything else.’’ The other was convinced by his determined tone, and so continued his way into Kaneki.

Kaneki tried to focus on Hide’s caring eyes, which helped him stay calm until Hide’s hips touched him. It was all in, no need to get scared. Kaneki gave Hide a small nod when he could begin to move, both groaning when the friction built up.

Hide began to kiss him again, nibbling on his lower lip. ‘’Uhhgg, H-hide..’’ Kaneki pulled Hide closer, wanting to feel everything. Wanting to be covered by Hide. Wanting to feel skin gliding over skin on his whole body.

Hide panted hard and fast in his ear, his hips speeding up and meeting Kaneki’s halfway. As much as he loved the sounds Hide could make, Kaneki wanted to see him while he could. He felt the heat building up in his gut, and could tell that Hide wasn’t far behind.

Kaneki took Hide’s chin and saw something that was what he could call the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Hide’s face was red from the heat, the light freckles standing out more. His hair was going every direction possible, making it look more messy than normal. And the face he made, it was breath taking. His eyes were screwed close, too focused to loosen up his expression. Hide’s mouth was wide open, puffs of air coming out.

‘’Y-you look.. ahh, so beau.. tiful, H-hide.’’ Hide had heard him and wheezed out a laugh. He opened his eyes and smiled.

‘’N-o, yhou.. be-uhifuhl.’’

“’Nghh.. Hide, y-you out of your.. mind or somethin’?’’

Hide started giving it his all, and Kaneki arched his neck. He couldn’t feel anything, yet he felt it all. It was like he didn’t exist in a physically way anymore, but still could feel everything to the fullest.

And he made it through it. Both came, their own voices mingling together, mouths trying to connect, but couldn’t close on the other. Hide rode out his high and pulled out with a hiss. Hide looked as relieved as Kaneki felt. He was probably nervous, just like Kaneki. He pecked Kaneki’s face with kisses, making him giggle. The adoring smile never leaving the blonde’s face.

( _We did it_.)

 

‘’Please, Touka. Just give him a place until I can find a better one for him to stay. It’s only for some time.’’

Kaneki had never been able to talk properly about Touka’s suggestion from before Hide walked into his life again. He had followed her everywhere, asking for a place for Hide. He wanted Hide to be here and nowhere else. Only did Touka think otherwise.

‘’I’m not going to hostage someone who comes in without any explanation, Kaneki. He can go back to where he comes from for all I care.’’

‘’But Touka, he needs-‘’

‘’God damn, Kaneki!’’ He got startled by the sudden raise in her voice. She looked at him with annoyance, but that didn’t make him stop. ‘’Why can Take-san stay, but Hide can’t? Because if it’s because he’s human then-‘’

‘’That’s _not_ the reason.’’

Touka came closer, poking his chest with a threatening finger. ‘’The reason is that he’s useless. This isn’t a shelter for wounded puppies.’’

Kaneki wanted to argue with that. _That’s not true, Hide is capable of many things_..

Touka grabbed his collar. ‘’Don’t pretend like it isn’t like that. It is, and you know it. You’ve seen him when he came here, right? Or aren’t we talking about the same fucking blondie?’’

It would not help to get into this any deeper. Kaneki lowered his head.

‘’Touka, please reconsider it. He’s everything I have, and I need him close. I can make him useful if you really want that. Just give him a chance.’’

The grip on him lessened, and when he dared to look up, Kaneki saw her eyes sadden.

‘’Fine.’’

 

Hide nuzzled into his shoulder, a thin sheet covering them. Touka had given Hide a storage room to sleep in, together with a futon, pillow and sheets. It wasn’t much, but Hide never whined about how cold or uncomfortable it was at night. He worked his way into the group as much as he could in one week. It went.. pretty well. It would have been better if Hide was actually able to talk, but his boisterous self was still there, so it would be fine. It was fine.

He had some difficulty with Touka, though. Hide tried, but she wouldn’t give in. Hide tried to help with the most trivial things, mostly in the café like keeping it clean and helping with closing. But she wouldn’t let him most of the time. And when he did his hardest best to ask why he couldn’t help, she would walk away. Ignoring the fact that he existed.

Kaneki had seen it a couple of times. The face Hide made then was something that could be called hopeless. It didn’t fit the boy.

Kaneki went with his hand through Hide’s hair. ‘’You’re loved. I can’t describe how happy I am with you being here.’’ Hide deserved some appreciation for his hard work.

‘’I lohf.. y-hou.’’

Kaneki stopped his movements. He had wanted to say the same, but felt like he hadn’t had the right to say it so just had thrown away the thought? But now he guessed that it was okay to say it.

‘’I love you too. So so much.’’

When he felt Hide placing a kiss on his neck and his breathing slowing down, Kaneki promised himself something. That he would do everything to keep Hide here. He would talk to Touka properly, and he would give Hide a decent place in Goat.

Everything to get Hide out of this smelly storage room.


	2. Hushed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A king that couldn't demand an answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's finally a continuation on One man's show for the two people who asked for it. Thank you for motivating me.

Through darkened alleyways, Kaneki tried to catch up on his target. Faint thumping of shoes touching concrete could be heard, and if he wasn’t wrong, they sounded hurried too.

He ended up walking through a livelier street, lanterns giving a slight feeling of safety. Not that Kaneki was afraid of walking alone at hours like that, at least not for himself.

He spotted the person he was searching for further down the street, and Kaneki sped up his pace, sighing in relief that he hadn’t crossed the whole city for nothing. Starting to shout at the figure to get him to stop, Kaneki had to slow himself down before he would slam into the man.

‘’Hide, why-‘’

Despite wanting to ask some urgent questions, Kaneki fell back into silence when he saw Hide’s stern expression. He had grown taller, Kaneki had vaguely noticed that back in the café when it was difficult to comfortably lay his chin on the other’s shoulder in their reunion that every movie-lover would get turned on by. But now, the few inches Hide had gained through the years gave Kaneki more than an uncomfortable feeling. Kaneki thought he shouldn’t feel intimidated by his friend. He stiffened a smile, hoping it would get off some tension that was supposedly there?

‘’Why were you leaving so suddenly? I don’t understand…’’ Kaneki’s face started to hurt from how much he was forcing himself to smile. He indeed didn’t have a clue why Hide had left the headquarters without another word. If he wasn’t wrong, he remembered having plans with Hide for this evening. Kaneki could count his ’free time’ moments that he had had since leading this rebellion on one hand. The same could be said about the times he had seen Hide after they had to move the whole group to the undergrounds.

Hide knew this. That’s why Kaneki found it strange that Hide didn’t seem to understand that Kaneki wanted to spend these precious moments with his best friend, because if he did, Hide wouldn’t have been playing hide and seek with him.

‘’Hey, you know you don’t have to worry about taking up space or something? Whatever Touka’s been saying doesn’t apply in that place.’’ The closeness that the two were experiencing made Kaneki want more of it. Only had even his dense self noticed that times of messing around in storage rooms were no more. He had wasted all of his years that he could pretend to still be a teenager to Sasaki Haise and had given the last spark to Hide. Now he had to grow up and get serious.

‘’Gah-e…gi,’’ the sound of Hide trying to voice his feelings was something Kaneki would never get used to. He took a step back and shushed Hide before he could continue. ‘’Please, Hide stop. Use your signs.’’ Hide huffed at that. Kaneki knew Hide thought it was a pain to have to learn for others. It was at least better than having to go through real pain, forcing his voice to work and all.

_‘I Don’t like it there.’_

‘’You mean you don’t feel comfortable?’’ The possibility of Hide feeling not welcome or whatever negative feeling that he could think of made Kaneki frown. It also made him mentally take a step back and try to remember when he got this sappy. It must have been Hide foolishly flirting that printed these thoughts into his mind.

Hide nodded after seeming hesitant for a moment. ‘’Just tell me what’s wrong then.’’ They would get through this together. Kaneki would not run away if confrontation joined the story. It was terrifying, but it worked out things that otherwise would result into nothing.

Something then flickered in Hide’s eyes. They showed so much more than the glimmering of excitement now. Maybe it was because of the lack of words Hide had to hide behind. It relieved and terrified Kaneki all the same. That Hide became more open to him was a good thing. The hopelessness, frustration that was all over his face was something else.

Even if he had no right to say that he exactly understood Hide’s feelings, Kaneki could guess what explanation lied behind the expression. He just asked an impossible question. Hide didn’t have the right vocabulary to answer, and it wasn’t fair, Kaneki wasn’t playing fair and he knew that, but that was how it was now and they would get through it together.

‘’Sorry.’’

_________________

  
It had been two weeks since the little… incident between them, when Kaneki gave up ignoring the fact that Hide’s absence was no good for the little sleeping hours that he could already get his hands on. Neither was it good for the rest of his day, or for the rest of all the people that were living with him in the undergrounds of Tokyo.

It was because of his haziness that they hadn’t been able to make one single move. Goat had been in peace mode since the burglary into the labs of the CCG, and not everyone seemed satisfied with that. What was the point of a movement if it wasn’t moving?

Food became a problem too. Their hunts had been cancelled due to silly planning and not working through the extra safety check-ups on their hunting grounds. Everything was simply a mess. The CCG claimed more land, took more lives as time went by and security became more strict. It left the people here with frustration.

Kaneki wondered if he left them with the same frustration as he did with Hide? Boiling under their skin because they want to do something, but couldn’t. He hated himself for not being able to do anything for them, even though he was supposed to since he was the one who accepted the responsibility of a king.

It was like he went all the way back to point zero. The point where he worried about every life he would take on the hunts or missions. Only did he have to admit that there was no other way then come back with the same fire as the CCG. Now the problem was that every single one was willing to fight, to make a change, except for their leader. Kaneki just couldn’t get the possible image of, be it sooner or later, all the victims that his side had made, with one blonde lying lifeless between the piled up bodies. Forgotten.

He knew that he was paranoid and there was a low possibility of that ever happening. Hide wasn’t as reckless as he had always thought. The boy was smart and knew when it wasn’t his business to be around. Hide wouldn’t have survived otherwise.

But just that little low chance that it could happen, because things would not always work out like some predict, that was what made Kaneki’s sleepless nights. Hide hadn’t been away since their reunion in the café, or at least not without telling. He was somewhere out there, and Kaneki had no idea where. He could easily leave the undergrounds and look for him, but then the words that Hide and he had exchanged on that last meeting reminded him that it was better to stay put and wait.

There was a reason why Hide was running away, and it would be bad if Kaneki didn’t give the other the space he needed. If only that wouldn’t cause all of the other problem.

_________________

  
‘’We need a plan.’’

Kaneki lay slumped over the table, picking the corners of the map that was sprawled on there as well. He completely agreed with Nishiki. They had to do something soon, or all their efforts would be for nothing. He just couldn’t. Hide hadn’t returned yet and if they would attack any place where he could be at the moment, Kaneki would put him in danger and that was the last thing he wanted and-

‘’What kind of plan?’’

‘’Whatever plan that helps us from not dying.’’

A heavy sigh came from the side of the room where Nishiki was situated. ‘’I don’t know and I’m sure I don’t even want to fucking know, but whatever reasons you have for this drastic change of plans, lying low when we were supposed to be taking over this world and yada yada,’’ Nishiki pulled out a chair next to Kaneki, trying to get eye-contact. ‘’They don’t matter when you’ve got a whole load of idiots following you around.’’

Kaneki turned his face towards Nishiki, wanting to stop his lecture but holding back for the sake of the still light atmosphere. When Nishiki was sure that Kaneki wasn’t going to fight back, he continued. ‘’Those idiots still have some kind of wits, you know. Even though they don’t seem like it. It will not be too long from now and there will be people turning their back towards you and any more additions to the people-who-want-to-strangle-Kaneki-Ken-to-death-list is the least thing you need now, right?’’

It was true. Kaneki was running away from his responsibilities, without thinking about consequences at all. It was just that this fight in his head about what to do was making him so tired to the verge of giving up. But he couldn’t. He nodded and stayed silent.

‘’Man up a little and think of anything that will keep them busy for some time, okay?’’ Kaneki let out a small laugh. Even when the words were harsh and pointing out his embarrassing flaws, they were in the light of concern. Nishiki cared. It was almost like…

‘’You almost sound like Touka.’’ The sad smile plastered to his face made him look so much more exhausted. ‘’Or, at least without the screaming,’’ he corrected himself. A little huff came from Nishiki, scraping of the chair’s legs over the ground afterwards, and at last Nishiki walking away.

‘’That’s what I am for.’’

_________________

Hide came back two weeks later. Kaneki felt so relieved that the heavy weight of worry had been lifted off of his shoulders. Seeing Hide’s face alone made him believe that everything would get better again. He would do his best and make sure it would.

The best thing, Hide came back with a voice. It wasn’t the voice that Kaneki still remembered very vaguely. It was just a glitchy monotone voice that didn’t fit Hide at all, but at least it was something. Hide’s eyes didn’t show any frustration anymore. It made place for determination instead.

It was that one night when everyone was calmed down and uprising forces were put on their places again, that Kaneki sneaked Hide into his room, sparing them a second glance. It was when there was a heavy silence between them, and Kaneki wanted to break it by slowly moving against Hide on his makeshift bed, that Hide stopped him, looking at Kaneki with the same determination in his eyes as when he returned.

‘’Kaneki, please wait a second.’’ And he did as he was told. Kaneki stopped all of his movements, waiting for approval to continue his actions. He wouldn’t get that though. Hide turned a little so he wasn’t directly looking at Kaneki. ‘’I came here to explain a few things, then I’ll be out of your hair again.’’

Kaneki didn’t understand. Did that mean that- ‘’Does that mean that you’re leaving again?’’ There was a sliver of panic in his voice. He had to bite back the ‘me’ in his last sentence.

‘’Yes.’’

Hide looked down to his lap. Smiles faded. ‘’But when are you coming back?’’ It would give Kaneki something, anything to hold onto. Were it days to count down, it didn’t matter.

‘’I don’t know.’’

‘’Please, Hide.’’

Hide looked up at Kaneki. Confrontation still scared him. He wanted to pretend as if he didn’t see how tired Hide looked. ‘’Kaneki, there is a chance that I won’t be coming back for a long time.’’

‘’ _Why are you leaving_ me _alone!?_ ’’ He didn’t mean to raise his voice, he was even shocked by the sudden volume that his voice chose, but he was so tired of keeping his cool. He had been wanting to scream ever since Hide had left.

Hide looked as startled as he felt, but putting up a calm air as soon as he could get a hold on himself again. ‘’I don’t have anything to do here.’’ There were no buts or sugar-coating. He was being straight to the point. He was still looking at him.

‘’I’ve got other places that I will be so much more helpful then here.’’ Hide tried to make a joke out of it, smiling while he was still going on. ‘’Other places that don’t make me feel like I’m an illness, if you know what I mean.’’

‘’I don’t know what you mean.’’ Kaneki’s voice was starting to break. He must look horrible right now, fighting hard to not break down. Hide was looking at that face.

‘’No one likes me down here, so it’s better to make myself a little more likable and get out of their faces.’’

‘’Since _when_ do you care about being liked?’’ Sneering. Hide did it back. ‘’Says the forced _king_.’’

The silence felt like it was going to suffocate him. Kaneki was begging Hide for turning everything into a joke. To laugh it off like he used to. But laughing was not a word that the device of Hide’s voice could adopt.

There was hurt. He was hurting Hide. Things weren’t going in the right direction, so Kaneki changed strategies.

‘’You said you had to explain some things, right?’’ Kaneki stopped keeping the tears at bay. Pathetic sniffling filled the rest of the room.

‘’Please, take as long as you can. I’ll listen.’’

Hide explained, but Kaneki could sense that he was keeping things from him. At the end, he still didn’t know anything. When Hide left, he still didn’t know anything but that Hide had something to finish. Unconvincing promises of coming back were made, wishes were being exchanged.

Kaneki hated the fact that he didn’t know anything about Hide. The person who left his room felt foreign to him, someone with a story that he couldn’t place into context. The place that Hide preferred to being next to Kaneki side didn’t have a name, neither did the people who apparently needed Hide.

But what he hated even more was that Hide would only be able to remember him as the king who bawled over every little thing that didn’t go his way. Hide had said goodbye to a Kaneki that couldn’t stop crying through his whole story.

And even now, an hour after Hide had left to wherever, Kaneki let tears wet his pillow and sniffles make his body shiver. All he wanted was Hide’s warm arms around him, or his hands going through his hair. Just like after they had connected in the dusty storage room above :Re.

It made him nauseous, the way his breath came out in uneven and his whole state wouldn’t stop calming down.

He was pathetic. A bad leader and even worse of a friend. He simply wasn’t cut out for this. Kaneki had never asked for being a leader, let alone prepared for it. He was kind of forced into it, and he took it because he was weak. Oh, what a bad leader was he.

But he was a worse friend. He hadn’t ever even considered Hide’s opinion. Of course their talk had escalated. Kaneki had both suppressed his own feelings and Hide’s. If he hadn’t, maybe then they would lie here, legs intermingled and faces close. Maybe they would have shared kisses and made love like no one else would. Maybe then, Hide would have stayed with him.

‘’It shouldn’t have been like this…’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sneaking in that La la land quote.

**Author's Note:**

> Shout out to Ishida Sui-sensei for creating a masterpiece that I still enjoy every day. And don't get me wrong, I love Kirishima Touka. Also, thanks to mangastream for translating tg:re.
> 
> Take a look on my tumblr: Nitsuki-baka.


End file.
